I am a Man, therefore, I am an idiot.

I hope Pea doesn’t forever link men with stupidity.

I heard a radio commercial this morning for an international BBQ chicken chain. The commercial went something along these general lines:

Female Voice: Honey, I’m leaving you.
Male Voice: Wuh? (Incomprehensible gurgling and sadness.)
Female Voice: For your brother.
Male Voice: Huh? (More gurgling and sadness.)
Female Voice: And I’m keeping the ring.
Male Voice: Buh… Wuh…

Cue tagline.

Rake in the dough.

Unbelievable.

This commercial follows a trend I’ve noticed in advertising lately… one that seems to coincide with the Judd-Apatow-all-men-are-complete-douches revolution that’s made it hip to be an idiot.

It seems to me that many companies are trying to make a buck, and get a memorable laugh, by portraying their male customers as stupid, lazy and ignorant… capable of nothing more than fumbling through their days at the mercy of the women in their lives.

Now, I would have assumed that the aforementioned BBQ chicken chain would value my demographic (30-something males) for our constant hunger for BBQ’ed meat, not to mention our disposable income.

However, having heard this commercial, I can only assume that they believe I am meek, stupid, bumbling and incapable of defending myself. If this is true, how could I possibly be expected to drive myself to their restaurant for some food…after all, dat dere driving test is mighty tuff to pass, and bus schedules are awfully tuff to read.

(Ok, the logical explanation must be that this BBQ chicken chain is after the female demographic. Not so fast. The female in this commercial doesn’t have it any easier, does she? She’s sleazy, whorish, cold and callous. Women like that don’t eat BBQ’ed chicken; they eat red meat right off the bone. She’s more likely steal the meal from a senior than pay for it.)

Am I wrong here? Does this company just have a bad advertising department, or are companies increasingly making fun of the very people they want to buy their product?

To test my theory, I’m introducing Ricochay’s ‘We’re all Morons’ Commercial Challenge. Your mission: watch 30 minutes of prime time TV, and tell me that there isn’t at least 1.5 minutes of commercials (three 30-second spots) that portray men as stupid and ignorant in an attempt to demonstrate a product’s value.

What’s in it for you? The chance to restore my faith in advertising and humanity. What more could you ask for?  And besides, I have no money for prizes. 

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn’t forever link men with stupidity.

Up to no good.

I hope Pea doesn't fail to read between the lines.

I have a weird feeling Dora the Explorer is into some below-board kind of stuff.

Let me be clear -- especially since companies seem to be suing every blogger who holds an opinion contrary to the positive image of their business or products -- I have no concrete proof of my claim, but I do offer the following to back up my suspicion.

• She's from Latin America.  Columbia is part of Latin America, isn't it?  I'm just saying.
• While she is human, most of Dora's friends are talking animals... a squirrel, a monkey, a fox, and so on.  In fact, she spends a great deal of time talking to a Little Star in one book we own, which as we all know is impossible.  
• Why don't we ever get to see what's in her backpack?  
• According to Wikipedia, the internet's most trusted resource, Dora the Explorer (products) made over $1B in 2004.  That's Mexican Drug Cartel kind of loot!
• She can't seem to pick one language and stick with it... it's almost as if she forgets what language she's using mid-sentence.  That's odd, no?

Look, I don't know what's going on here, but this doesn't add up.  Until I can disprove my theory, I don't think I'll be letting Pea put any Dora-related products in her mouth.  Better safe than sorry.

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't fail to read between the lines.

PS - Just kidding Nickelodeon.. we love Dora 'round here, honest!  In fact, we just bought Pea her very own Dora the Explorer chair... you know the one, it's got Boots and Dora running together, chasing a butterfly.  Within 30 seconds of seeing it, Pea was kissing Dora and sitting gleefully in her lap.  It was awesome!

Love and Marriage, Love and Marriage...

I hope Pea doesn’t overlook the teachings of aging Married… with Children star Ed O’Neill.

The pilot for ABC’s newest comedy, Modern Family, aired last night and it was smart, incredibly funny and pushed all the right boundaries in all the right ways. This show is getting incredible reviews and will definitely be at the top of my PVR recording list, right up there with another ABC success, Lost (premiering Thursday, January 21, 2009… that’s 120 days people!).

Modern Family is all about the convergence of 3 different types of families.

• The Reconstituted Family: Ed O’Neill plays a recently re-married 60-something. He’s hooked up with a much younger Columbian woman and finds himself the stepfather to her sensitive teenage boy, who he struggles to relate to both generationally and culturally. 

• The Nuclear Family: O’Neill’s biological daughter (played by Julie Bowen of Ed and Boston Legal fame) is married to a man (Ty Burrell) who is desperately trying to be his 3 kids’ friend rather than their father. She struggles to manage a house with 3 kids and a useless husband; he struggles to use the hippest language possible to relate to his kids on their level. An actual quote from Phil, the goofy Dad: “I'm a cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face.” 

• The Homosexual Family: O’Neill’s son (played by Jesse Tyler Ferguson) is gay, in a committed relationship with his partner of 5 years, and they have recently adopted a young child from Vietnam. 

(Big thanks to my Family Studies teacher for teaching me this information... all apologies for not remembering your name.)

As funny as Modern Family is to me, I can’t help but think about how much more relatable it will be to Pea.

When I was growing up… and yes, I’m now using “when I was young” statements… Nuclear families were still the norm. I can recall a few Reconstituted families, fewer Single Parent families, and there were definitely no Homosexual families on the block.

But Modern Family makes one thing perfectly clear… when it comes to family, “normal” quite simply doesn’t exist anymore. And I firmly believe my daughter will be a better person as a result.

If we look at the numbers, it is undeniable that many of us will end up leading an untraditional family. For kids, it used to be divulging an untraditional family dynamic to classmates would potentially lead to ridicule and bullying. But nowadays, can any kid really justify teasing another because of single, remarried or homosexual parents? To do so today would be to tease the near majority, not the fringe.

Our families, and our children, are evolving with the times. Adaptability, acceptance, tolerance and understanding are becoming some of the cornerstones of our society.

Some of you might be saying “Ricochay, we’ve still got a long way to go before we get to this point.” I don’t deny that we still have work to do. But I do believe that we are closer than ever. As our generation raises its kids with a new set of values that are consistent with our reality, we only get closer to our goal. Our kids, and their kids, benefit.

So here’s to you, Modern Family, for showing us all that no matter what type of family you are a part of, it’s normal… and just as screwed up as the rest of them.

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn’t overlook the teachings of aging Married… with Children star Ed O’Neill.

PS - Glee, you’re off the PVR.

Ricochay and the Bee

I hope Pea doesn't listen to 'the odds'.

I was reminded today that 'the odds' are useless predictions of potential outcomes, and not worth banking on (9 times out of 10, anyway).

The Canadian Spelling Bee was on Global today, in HD no less.  

Believe it or not, it was boring as just about anything you could ever imagine, and the production value was right on par with other Canadian attempts at American fanfare. Rick the Temp - that's worth repeating - Rick the Temp co-hosted with some girl I have never seen before, perhaps a national Spelling Bee Champ from days gone by.  They spoke the whole time with hushed golf voices even though they were a significant distance from the 'action'. The words given the spellers were no where near the difficulty of the ones you'll see in the US Spelling Bee (not that I could spell any of them). Even a cameo MC job by the one and only Colin Mochrie couldn't save this sucker.  And I love Colin Mochrie.

When I woke up this morning, I would have put the odds on me watching a Spelling Bee on TV at right around 1,000,000-1.  I watched for over an hour.  If only I were a betting man.

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't listen to 'the odds'.

PS - The kids in the Spelling Bee were actually quite entertaining.

A lot to learn from Barack

I hope my Pea doesn't get caught up in rhetoric.

President Barack Obama made a quip on Jay Leno last night that has caused quite a stir. He likened his bowling skills to those of a Special Olympian, meaning to say he isn't a great bowler.  

Personally, I think the PC Revolution has gone way too far. The late George Carlin had it right - it isn't the words we use that matter, it is the context in which we use them that is important. 

President Obama's comments were humorous, yet quite insensitive, because the context was insensitive.  His context was that Special Olympians can't possibly be good bowlers, which is far from the truth - they are, after all, Olympians. 

Let's consider a few other examples of the PC world Pea will be living in:

• There are no losers anymore. Everyone gets praise for participating.
• We don't fail at work. We miss an opportunity, or we need development.
• If you are a pale man of Scottish descent, you aren't pasty, you are pigmentally challenged.

To paraphrase Dave Chappelle, let's keep it real people.  At times, Pea will lose.  She will fail.  And thanks to her father's genetics, she will likely be considered pasty.  I refuse to avoid these words around her.

When she loses, I won't sugarcoat it.  When she fails, I will help her see the value in that failure.  I will help her understand that 'losing' and 'failure' aren't bad words unless the context they are used in is bad.  And in explaining this context, I hope she might also learn the benefits of losing and failing in building character and resiliency.  I hope that she will not fear words of any kind; rather, that she will be weary of their context.

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she does not get caught up in rhetoric.   

P.S.- President Obama's comments came a little over a week before the Special Olympics embarks on a campaign to eradicate the use of what they call the R-word - retard. Coincidence?  See tomorrow's blog entry on conspiracy theories in the US political system.

P.P.S. - Ok, tomorrow's entry really won't have anything to do with conspiracy theories. Psyche!

P.P.P.S. - I haven't used the P.S., P.P.S., P.P.P.S. structure since grade school!  What a trip!