In Pea's room, right beside the chair that the Pod and I sit on to put her to sleep, sits a dry-erase board. Affixed to said board are several pictures of people that are dear to Pea, the Pod and myself.
One of these photos is a picture of the Pod and I, partaking in karaoke. It's one of my favourite pictures of us, hence its appearance on the Pea wall of fame. It reminds me of a different time in our lives, when we were young and free to stay out late drinking and singing the night away.
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| Ironically, this girl can sing! She actually sings the anthem at Blue Jays games. Regularly. (And no, this is not the photo of the Pod and I.) |
You see, I hate karaoke.
Why would anyone hate karaoke, you ask, perplexed? Let me explain.
Not many people know this, but karaoke was invented as a torture technique during the Japan/China War of 1767. Japanese soldiers would force chinese POW's to sing popular songs of the day, to 1) humiliate their foe and amuse themselves at their expense, and 2) determine who would be killed in a daily culling. The soldiers that were released after the war continued the practice as a way of honouring their fallen comrades.
So, I can't enjoy anything with such a horrible tradition.
All right, I made that up. The Japanese are not evil like that. Hell, there wasn't even a war between the two countries in 1767. At least not as far as I know. I apologize for misleading you.
The actual truth is that I once saw a 55-year old man sing Peter Gabriel's "Sledgehammer" in a hotel restaurant/karaoke bar. This guy's rendition came complete with horrifying gyrations every time he sang the chorus, and a 65-year old back-up dancer rubbing herself against him for the duration of the song. It was like interpretive dance set to a horror movie soundtrack.
All right, that's not really why I hate karaoke (but sadly, it is true).
The truth is I can't sing to save my life. That is literal people. If Justin Bieber were to approach me right now, and threaten to cute me to death if I didn't sing "Baby" to his liking... well, I don't even want to think of a world where Justin Bieber is incarcerated.
More to the point, most people can't sing to save their lives. But, with enough alcohol in our systems, we can convince ourselves that we can, in fact, sing effectively and to the pleasure of others.
Yet, despite my highly publicized hatred of karaoke, I have been dragged on at least three occasions to sing for others, and plied with alcohol until I too lost my senses and picked-up the microphone.
Now, I'm not an animal. Once in the moment, I get into things. But God help me, I don't want to.As I was putting Pea to bed recently, I found myself mulling over the complex emotions enshrined in that photo of the Pod and I. And it occurred to me, that I have to think of Pea now. Perhaps my hatred of karaoke is based on meaningless nonsense.
I want Pea to feel comfortable expressing herself through song. Or, hopefully, singing beautifully for others! Growing up, I wouldn't stand for my sister singing in the car. Looking back, who knows if I was crushing a young dream of stardom.
So I am abandoning my inhibitions and letting the world know that I am hereby renouncing my hatred of karaoke in all of its forms. I'm now up for a song as sung by someone other than the original singer, or a reasonable cover version. Whether you can sing or not, your tune is ok by me.
Ok, let's salvage this angry diatribe with a little audience participation. Favourite karaoke songs — what's yours, and why? No prizes. Do it, just because.
My favourite is Pete Yorn's Life on a Chain, because it's the only song to which I know all the words from start to finish... and it's an awesome song.
Now, you!
I may not know what I want Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't let the tone deaf ruin a potentially good time.
That's it, we need a karaoke night STAT :)
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