Tweets from God

I hope Pea doesn't let trademarks stand in the way of her creativity and ability to deliver an effective message.

I recently found something so profound and awe-inspiring sitting on my front porch that I instantly knew it was what I had been waiting for to jump-start what.will.you.be,Pea.  Not that I needed something to jump-start this blog, really... just time. And I made the time for this one.

"Tweets from God."

Do I have your attention yet? Because Grace Community Church certainly had mine with a headline like that.

"Tweets from God" is a 12-page brochure, produced by the aforementioned Grace Community Church, that asks the question — what would God tweet, were he in fact, able to tweet.

A big hypothetical, because as we all know, Heaven is still operating on a dial-up connection, making tweeting, Facebooking and any other kind of social media use an absolute nightmare.

I digress.

So, lest I keep you in too much suspense, here are some of things the Lord Almighty has on his mind these days:

• Hey, me again. Just wanted you to know that I thought you handled that situation pretty well today. You're getting better...
• Because I made you, I have had a special interest in you since before you were born.
• The reason why my basic opinion of you never changes is because you are my kid.
• You were not an accident, and neither are your circumstances.
• Terrorism, climate change, war, you name it. I have everything under control.

Standard stuff, really. No surprises.

All right, so on a few different levels I admire this brochure to no end. For one, they've flaunted and bastardized the Twitter trademark like I've never seen anything abused in my life. As a communications professional, that's saying something! They've used the Twitter font, colour palette, design and logo to suit their needs with an obvious and clearly deliberate disregard for the law. The number of times I have wanted to do just that in my professional life is uncountable, so that fact alone gets Grace kudos from this guy.

Then, there's the fact that the brochure did exactly what it was supposed to do — get me to read it. I may not agree with everything in the document, but I have never — and I repeat, never — picked up a religious pamphlet from my front porch, thrown it in my knapsack, and brought it to work so I could blog about it later. Well done Grace. I can learn a thing or two from you about engagement.

And of course, one cannot overlook the intended target audience and messaging that Grace is attempting to put out there. Twitter will of course appeal to the youth demographic; those who have likely little to no interest in any type of organized religion because of the sex scandals and/or lack of appeal to their interests.

So, in the end, Grace appears to have hit a home run.

But wait. Let's break down what God is actually tweeting about. "You're not alone." "I know how much potential you have." "I made you on purpose." This seems a little repetitive, doesn't it? We've heard all this before. It may not have been spelt out in 140 character increments, but the Chapters and Verses concept is really just one tweet at a time.

I refuse to believe that after all these years of watching us mess up his creation, God doesn't have anything new to tell us. I mean, c'mon God, I get really pissed when people make edits to my writing at work, and that has no significance whatsoever. Am I to believe that your tune hasn't changed at all after two World Wars? Terrorism aimed at those who believe what you have to say? Men who ruin the lives of children whilst espousing your core beliefs?

I think it would have been better had he given us an update on what he's really thinking. Maybe something like...

• @Adolf666 You're an asshole and for the record, you were an accident. I hope you are enjoying the incessant sodomy. #Fail.
• @VaticanCityPlayers If I didn't want #homosexuals to marry, I would have made them #priests.
• Maybe I should have given the Kid clearer instructions about when he'd be returning. My bad.
• The crying statue of Madonna in remote Mexico? Not my doing. The creepy skeleton-like @Madonna in London? Yeah, that was me... and you're welcome.
• @MayanCalandarForever I do have a lengthy vacation planned in #2012, but I assure you @GodsRightHandMan is perfectly capable of keeping shit together while I'm away.
• Even I couldn't have predicted that @Lebron and @ChrisBosh would join the #Heat. #Didntseethatcoming.
• #SexandtheCity3 is going to revolutionize film making. Trust me.

I may not know what I want Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't let trademarks stand in the way of her creativity and ability to deliver an effective message.