 |
| Pea, running for cover? |
So, I'm starting over. Let's call it what.will.you.be,Pea 2.0.
When you start over, you usually do something a little different, right? So, to start, I'm abandoning the "I hope Pea never..." schtick to start each post. In the extensive market research I have been conducting over the past 10 months, it turns out most of you were skipping over that paragraph anyway, and you'd be surprised by how long it took me to create that one line.
Also, "the Pod" will henceforth be known as "my wife." Turns out "the Pod" wasn't the endearing term I believed it to be.
Pea, though, remains Pea.
Also, "the Pod" will henceforth be known as "my wife." Turns out "the Pod" wasn't the endearing term I believed it to be.
Pea, though, remains Pea.
Ok, now, what to tackle first? Wait for it... wait for it... farts. That's right, I waited over 10 months, stored up all kinds of experiences and good times, and I am choosing to start with farts.
One day, not too long ago, Pea came home from school with a new reaction to farts and fart perpetrators. She applies her reaction equally to her own farts as she does to mine, and really, to any noise that sounds remotely like a fart.
Here's how things typically go down. In this example, Pea is the farter, and I am the long-suffering but necessary smeller:
Pea: [FARTS, GIGGLES] (She gets the giggling from me... actually, she gets the farting from me too.)
Me: Oh, what do you say? (Correct answer: excuse me.)
Pea: RUN FOR COVER! I FARTED!
Then she proceeds to run from the room at top speed, laughing her ass off, which usually leads to more farts, and in turn, more laughter. Usually, it's funnier than the bridal shop scene from Bridesmaids. The only exception would be the odd time she thinks she hears one of us fart at the grocery store or in the mall. Then, not so much.
This scenario is funny enough when it plays itself out in our house. But, let's not forget that she picked this little golden nugget up at school... which means that, on any given day, Pea's teacher has to deal with roughly a dozen instances of 30 children running around a classroom, frantically "looking for cover" from a fart or fart-like noise.
I think we can all agree that that's what makes teaching so rewarding.
There you have it. what.will.you.be,Pea 2.0. Same old nonsense, 100% more fart references.
You're welcome.
One day, not too long ago, Pea came home from school with a new reaction to farts and fart perpetrators. She applies her reaction equally to her own farts as she does to mine, and really, to any noise that sounds remotely like a fart.
Here's how things typically go down. In this example, Pea is the farter, and I am the long-suffering but necessary smeller:
Pea: [FARTS, GIGGLES] (She gets the giggling from me... actually, she gets the farting from me too.)
Me: Oh, what do you say? (Correct answer: excuse me.)
Pea: RUN FOR COVER! I FARTED!
Then she proceeds to run from the room at top speed, laughing her ass off, which usually leads to more farts, and in turn, more laughter. Usually, it's funnier than the bridal shop scene from Bridesmaids. The only exception would be the odd time she thinks she hears one of us fart at the grocery store or in the mall. Then, not so much.
This scenario is funny enough when it plays itself out in our house. But, let's not forget that she picked this little golden nugget up at school... which means that, on any given day, Pea's teacher has to deal with roughly a dozen instances of 30 children running around a classroom, frantically "looking for cover" from a fart or fart-like noise.
I think we can all agree that that's what makes teaching so rewarding.
There you have it. what.will.you.be,Pea 2.0. Same old nonsense, 100% more fart references.
You're welcome.
Welcome back sir.
ReplyDeleteI think that was "More fart references" was a Rockefeller cornerstone. Good choice.
Cam, you typed Rockerfeller, when you clearly mean Rock-A-Fella. Honest mistake.
ReplyDeleteI figured, it's best to start with 'the end.' Hey-Oh! Another bum reference!