Here's to you, St. Jacobs

I hope Pea doesn't discount the beauty of the Mennonites.

I fully recognize that Pea will eventually grow up. As a Dad, this is scary on about a million different levels. Floppy haired boys. Lipstick, eyeliner, rouge (do they still call it 'rouge'?) and something called 'ceramides'. Not to mention exorbitant cell phone bills. All of this, and more, keeps me up at night... crying... usually in a cold sweat... praying to God that he send me the blueprints to a time-travelling Delorian so I never have to leave this decade if things go sour.

Nothing, NOTHING, scares me more than the potential clothing choices Pea will have to make in 12-15 years.

From what I can tell, there are two potential teenage clothing trends that could come to fruition by 2020:

Outcome #1 - If You Seek Amy chic

Inspired by Brit-Brit and the other delicate divas of our day, the current trend of less is more will continue to escalate to nightmarish levels. When Pea starts to come into her own, the only clothing choices available will be body paint or loin cloths and nipple tassels.

That'll never happen, you say? It's not so bad now, you claim? Here's an example. The Pod and I recently saw a gaggle of young ladies, maybe 15 years old, at the mall wearing stilettos and tight spandex 'dresses' that barely covered their bum holes. There were at least 7 of them, dressed exactly the same. The Pod and I are convinced they left the house wearing jeans and took them off when they got to the mall. I felt like I was in Amsterdam's Red Light district all over again.

Sample conversation between said ladies:

Girl 1: Oh... My... God, Charity. I, like, totally love your dress.

Girl 2: Like, thanks Amarynth. I totally tailored it myself. I had to cut some of it off at the bottom so people could see the tattoo on my butt.

Girl 3: You, like, like that dress Amarynth? It totally doesn't reveal anything. I was going to request that we vote Charity out of the 'Super Sluts' club for breach of dress code.

And so on.

Outcome #2 - Mennonite chic

You know how every few decades, the people in charge of 'style' decide to do a 180 and go in a completely different direction? Well, Mennonite chic is the complete opposite of If You Seek Amy chic.

Mennonite chic involves cool young ladies covering every part of their bodies with floral patterns, lace collars and bonnets. They would cringe at the thought of revealing too much, too soon, and would commend one another for finding new and unique ways to conceal while staying cool.

Sample conversation between said ladies:

Girl 1: Oh... My... God, Charity. I, like, totally love your dress.

Girl 2: Like, thanks Amarynth. I totally tailored it myself. I had to add three layers of crinoline to make sure you can't see my ankles through the polyester.

Girl 3: You, like, like that dress Amarynth? It totally reveals way too much. You can totally see the freckles on Charity's forearm through the velvet cuff. I was going to request that we vote Charity out of the 'Super Covered' club for breach of dress code.

And so on.

Guess which direction I want the future to go in?

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't discount the beauty of Mennonites.

PS - If you know anyone who's aim is to start a clothing company specializing in Mennonite chic, I am looking to invest. Holla at'cho boy.