I think I'll pass on that donation

I hope Pea never returns to her old university once she has graduated.

Last week, I helped the sister-Pod-in-Law move to a new house. This house happened to be in the same city as the university I proudly attended nearly 10 years ago. There was a break in the moving action, so I decided to take a drive past my old stomping grounds for a walk down memory lane (talk about mixed metaphors!).

As it turns out, this walk down memory lane was a long, dark trip through a dank back alley that I never want to experience again.

Here's what's improved at my Alma Mater.

• The floppy haired kids of today get to enjoy a brand new soccer pitch on what was previously an uneven, muddy and quite frankly dangerous part of campus to walk on. This soccer pitch features state-of-the-art artificial turf that will never erode.
  
• There are at least three brand new buildings that supplement some of the decrepit old ones I attended classes in, which means the floppy's are certainly receiving a better education than I did.
  
• I am certain the school managed to find a way to stop the library building from sinking into the ground, thereby allowing the floppy's to study without the constant worry of slipping into the 7th circle of hell at any moment.
• There are several new housing units that were built as student accommodations and I am sure these buildings have air conditioning and there is no smell of rotting wood after it rains, thereby providing the floppy's with peace of mind that they aren't inhaling carcinogens while they study, watch MTV, send text messages and illegally hack into government websites all at once.
• There is a brand new athletic centre (not that I used the old one) that the floppy's are enjoying to avoid the frosh 40 I acquired at school.

After seeing what I saw last week, it is clear that the school does not need my financial assistance to create a better learning environment for the floppy's of tomorrow... from my vantage point, the floppy's have just what they need to acquire a higher education and join the workforce as an entire wave of boomers start to retire, thereby falling ass backwards into the lap of luxury with their ugly, floppy hair.

So the next time the Alumni Association calls my house and asks for a modest donation of $200 to improve the school even more for the floppy's of tomorrow, they'll get an earful from me (probably a polite 'no, thanks').

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't become A FLOPPY WHO USES MY DONATION TO LIVE IT UP IN FANCY APARTMENTS WITH BRAND NEW BUILDINGS AND SOCCER FIELDS THAT DON'T TWIST THEIR ANKLES... uh... I mean... I hope she doesn't return to her old university once she has graduated.

PS - Happy Cinco de Mayo to my Latino readers!