They paved paradise...

I hope Pea doesn't discount the importance of watching TV.

Today is Mother's Day. This should, hopefully, come as a surprise to no one, but if I have caught you off-guard please feel free to make a quick phone call. The blog can wait... but not forever, so come back soon (and maybe sign-up to follow or vote in a poll when you do come back... I'm the type of guy that needs the validation).

This year, I of course have a new perspective on what it means to be a Mother. For the past several months, I have watched the Pod care for, nurture and build Pea into an outstanding little individual and while I'm sure some of the credit is mine, the vast majority of it is hers. I came no where close to celebrating the Pod today in a way that is fitting with what she deserves, mainly because there is nothing I could do that would do her justice. She is amazing.

As great a Mom as the Pod is, that's not what this post is about.

I was looking for something on the dresser in our room this evening and I came across a photo of me and my paternal grandmother. She passed away a few years ago and this photo is one of the few I have of the two of us. This may be my favourite photo ever and as I looked at it I felt a great deal of shame. The photo was covered in dust and was buried underneath a mountain of paper; it was obvious I hadn't looked at it in a while.

Let me tell you a little about my grandmother; I'm sure some of you will be able to relate. She and my grandfather lived in Ottawa and together had 13 children. Two passed away at birth and the remaining 11 are now scattered across Canada. Whenever we visited my grandparents (they lived about 5 hours away) there was always food on the table, several aunts and uncles in the house, and a brood of grandchildren running about. Most of my cousins were terrible little monsters and I think the fact that my sister and I lived so far away and were relatively good children endeared us to her quite a bit.

When my father got sick while I was in high school, she and my grandfather came to stay with us and help my mom cope with my dad's illness. Once, while they were watching us, I was terrorizing my sister and she scolded me for it. She later came to me, crying, to apologize for yelling at me. If you've never been the cause of your grandmother crying, I can't adequately describe the guilt you feel. It was horrible.

After my third year of university, I moved to Ottawa for one summer and lived with my aunt, uncle and grandmother for four months. My grandfather had already passed away, and my aunt took in my grandmother, no questions asked (I could do a whole other post on how great my aunt is, but I digress). During these months, I spent a lot of time sitting beside my grandmother watching TV. While I didn't realize it then, these were among the best moments of my life.

Now that she is gone, I would trade just about anything to go back and watch TV with her one more time. My grandmother had a great sense of humour and was as delicate as a flower. As we watched TV, we didn't usually say much, but every now and then she would grab my hand and we'd continue to watch TV in silence. I'd tease her and try to get her to admit I was her favourite grandchild, and she agreed a few times... an admission I am certain many of my cousins also received. But I choose to believe she was telling me the truth.

My grandmother attended our wedding, which made the day 100X better. But she never had the chance to meet our little Pea. That is hard for me to accept, but I take some comfort in seeing little traces of my grandmother in Pea. The way she sucks her bottom lip, or the way she pokes out her chin, are both reminders that my grandmother may have passed away but she isn't gone.

I didn't call either of my grandmothers nearly enough to wish them a Happy Mother's Day and I'm an ass for that. I wish I could, especially now that I can fathom what being a mother to 11 is like! Or even being a mother to 5 like my maternal grandmother was.

As the great Joni Mitchell once put it, "Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got 'til it's gone."

Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there. Especially the Pod, my mom and the Pod's mom.

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't discount the importance of watching TV.