Guilty... and loving every minute of it!

I hope Pea doesn’t overlook the benefits that come with a little guilt.

My life was designed to be as guilt-free as possible. Few vices. Few regrets. Few mornings where I wake up asking “what happened and how did I get here?”

This guilt-free existence was going really, really well… until my little Pea was born. Since then, I have felt shame, remorse and/or guilt at least once a day.

In fact, shame now lives in my spare room and guilt and remorse are building an apartment in my basement.

You want examples. Fine, here are but a few:

• Pea recently fell and bumped her head on the sofa, requiring a visit to the emergency room. She was completely fine, but this was on my watch and I swear that when I picked her up to comfort her she gave me a “how could you let this happen to me?” look. I’m now considering selling the sofa, as it is a constant reminder of the day I let my daughter down.
• We only recently purchased roller shades for Pea’s room, to block out the bright daytime sun during her naps. Just in time too (she is now taking 70% of her haps in another location altogether). 
• We’ve had babyproofing gear in our house for months and I am yet to install everything. What’s more, I’ve failed – on 3 separate occasions – to install baby gates near our staircases. If I can’t do this simple task, how can I be expected to shepherd Pea into adulthood unscathed?
• I haven’t mowed the back lawn in weeks and the mosquitoes that now live in the long grass prevent us from taking Pea in the back to play. Is this my subconscious way of keeping Pea as pale and pasty as I am? Who knows, but I wouldn’t put it past myself.

Despite my ineptitude, Pea continues to thrive. She’s now walking everywhere and appears to have left crawling behind. She’s growing a fresh pair of front teeth and she’s babbling way more than ever before. She is a human sponge, absorbing everything, and I mean everything, at an alarming rate. She’s even sleeping better, on the whole, than she has in quite a few months.

If I had to guess, she appears to have realized that her father is useless and she’s learning to cope on her own, with lots of help from the Pod.

So to all the would-be parents out there, I provide this warning: a guilt-free existence and parenthood are mutually exclusive. You have to pick one and stick with it.

I pick parenthood. Hands down.

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn’t overlook the benefits that come with a little guilt.