Judgy McJudgerton

I hope Pea isn’t prone to spontaneous combustion (part II).

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it’s time to play “What Did You Say to Me? Oh Hell No!”

The game is simple. We give you a series of crazy antics by some wacky characters. You decide who should be FORGIVEN and who should be SENT TO PURGATORY!

First up is Serena Williams. She threw a hissy fit during her semi-final match at the US Open after an apparent foot fault was called by a line judge. Serena’s tirade, which included a threat of putting a tennis ball up a woman’s unmentionables, forced judges to issue her an additional ‘demerit point’, which ultimately cost her the match.

Ricochay’s take: Serena’s behaviour was self-damaging most of all. She flipped out and lost the match as a result. But she also embarrassed and belittled a woman who was just doing her job and that’s out of bounds. I say SEND TO PURGATORY!

Next we have Republican Senator Joe Wilson, who shouted “You Lie!” at President Obama during a recent health care reform speech to America’s lawmakers.

Ricochay’s take: If Wilson is guilty of anything, it’s poor timing. If you’re going to yell, do it when everyone else is too. That said, politics is as much about theatre as it is about lawmaking, so to condemn him for this outburst would be akin to chastising him for doing his job. Wilson is FORGIVEN.

Irish actor Colin Farrell set a photographer straight while walking the Red Carpet at the Toronto International Film Festival. The photographer yelled for Farrell’s personal assistant/sister to get off the Red Carpet so he and the other photographers could get a clear shot of the actor. Rumour has it that the photographer used the dreaded B-word. Farrell defended his sister’s honour.

Ricochay’s take: When you’re walking the Red Carpet at a prestigious film festival, you should expect that people aren’t going to want photos of your personal assistant… even if she is your sister. The photographer’s job is to art direct so he can get good photos. Had the photographer not allegedly used the B-word, I'd be sending Farrell to purgatory, but there's no excuse for using that word. Farrell is FORGIVEN, and in a twist, let's send the photographer to PURGATORY!

That brings us to Kanye West. As we all know by now, he interrupted Taylor Swift's acceptance speech at the MTV Video Awards and caused one of the most uncomfortable moments in award show history.

Ricochay’s take: Given that the entire thing was staged (that's right, I said it), Kanye is FORGIVEN. There's just way too much that is unusual about the whole situation for me to believe all the players involved didn't know what was going on. 

Last up is the story of a tired and frustrated father who loses his patience with his daughter because she won’t sit still during her diaper change. The daughter - let’s call her Pea - continuously grabs at the soiled diaper, attempts to put her hands on her dirty butt, wiggles and writhes her way off her back and makes it generally impossible to change the diaper.

Ricochay’s take: All parents lose their patience at one point or another. And when you’re dealing with feces, the threshold for impatience is lowered considerable. I say FORGIVEN… the guilt he’s feeling for being short with his daughter is punishment enough.

Well folks, so ends another rousing edition of “What Did You Say to Me? Oh Hell No!” Join us next time when we analyze history’s craziest outbursts, including the Big Bang that created the universe... was this behaviour justified? Find out next time! 

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she isn't prone to spontaneous combustion.

Thanks to www.all-about-tennis.com, the US government, www.torontolife.com and Britain's brightest tabloid newspaper The Daily Mirror for the images.