Maybe I'm misdirecting my anger...

I hope Pea isn't as forgetful as her father.

I took a trip to Montreal today for work.  I had a meeting with some consultants, who are developing some training for a management training program I run at work.  The meeting went very well, and I am looking forward to the training.

Not that you care.  Because really, why would you?

But you should care about what happens next.

On the way home, I headed to the thorough security checkpoint at the airport and did the usual ceremonial travel ritual... removed virtually every piece of clothing, my belt, shoes, watch, glasses, etc., and passed through the metal detector.

Because I was nearly naked, the metal detector detected nothing and I grabbed my stuff and caught my flight home.

Well, I grabbed almost everything.  I forgot my glasses.  My $250 Hugo Boss glasses with my latest prescription that keeps me from getting migraine headaches while I work on a computer.  Tomorrow I get to call the Lost and Found at the airport and hope, nay, pray, that they found them and are willing to help me regain my vision again.  Otherwise, it's new glasses for this guy and a hefty hit to the pocket book.

The last time I went to Montreal, I forgot my Blackberry in a cab.  It took a few days to track down the cabbie, and another few days to get it couriered back to my office.

Because of this trend, I've decided that a grudge against Montreal is in order.  Because it clearly has it out for me.

So Montreal, screw you!  You suck!  You are stealing from me, and indirectly, from my family.  Do you not care that I have a young daughter who might need me to see her clearly and without blur, even though said blur is really very, very minor?

Montreal, YOU ARE RUINING MY LIFE!

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, BUT I HOPE SHE NEVER HAS TO GO TO MONTREAL, BECAUSE MONTREAL TAKES ADVANTAGE OF PEOPLE! but I hope she isn't as forgetful as her father.

PS - The above applies to Montreal, but not my beloved Montreal Canadiens... Go Habs Go!

Ok, let's do it. No, no, wait, maybe not...

I hope Pea doesn't have this hard a time making up her mind.

Yeah, I'm back on the H1N1 thing.  Since I wrote my last post on the topic, I have been pretty diligent in asking other parents what they plan on doing about vaccinating their kids.  I figure, the more info I have, the better.  

I asked the guys at hockey.  I asked the folks at work.  And I reached out to you, my Pea followers.

The answer I got 9 times out of 10 was a resounding 'I don't know.'

Some couples are conflicted; one really wants to vaccinate, the other is steadfastly against it.  Some find the testing of the vaccine to be unreliable and untrustworthy.  Some just don't think the concern is that great.  And some think the risk of not acting is even greater.

To make matters worse, I hear anecdotally that one scientist who worked on the vaccine isn't going to take it, because it is 'unnecessary'.  Then I hear of pediatricians who don't think the vaccine is needed if the child isn't in daycare or at school (Pea is still at home, with the Pod-in-law).

In what I shamefully call a relief, I am somehow encouraged by other bloggers in my world who are just as confused as I am.  

Some are helpful, like Julie who shares information on Ottawa-area vaccination clinics despite being unsure as to whether or not she will get it for her and her family.  

Others, like Sarahcasm, remind us that the concern over health-related decisions isn't a priviledge that everyone around the world enjoys.  While this is a tough decision, we are lucky enough to be able to make a choice, one way or another.

So, I remain torn about what to do, but thankful that my little Pea doesn't yet need to concern herself with such things.  

I'll let her worry about which books she gets to read before bed, and how long she gets to play in the bath.  The heavy stuff will remain on my shoulders. 

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't have this hard a time making up her mind.

I am a Man, therefore, I am an idiot.

I hope Pea doesn’t forever link men with stupidity.

I heard a radio commercial this morning for an international BBQ chicken chain. The commercial went something along these general lines:

Female Voice: Honey, I’m leaving you.
Male Voice: Wuh? (Incomprehensible gurgling and sadness.)
Female Voice: For your brother.
Male Voice: Huh? (More gurgling and sadness.)
Female Voice: And I’m keeping the ring.
Male Voice: Buh… Wuh…

Cue tagline.

Rake in the dough.

Unbelievable.

This commercial follows a trend I’ve noticed in advertising lately… one that seems to coincide with the Judd-Apatow-all-men-are-complete-douches revolution that’s made it hip to be an idiot.

It seems to me that many companies are trying to make a buck, and get a memorable laugh, by portraying their male customers as stupid, lazy and ignorant… capable of nothing more than fumbling through their days at the mercy of the women in their lives.

Now, I would have assumed that the aforementioned BBQ chicken chain would value my demographic (30-something males) for our constant hunger for BBQ’ed meat, not to mention our disposable income.

However, having heard this commercial, I can only assume that they believe I am meek, stupid, bumbling and incapable of defending myself. If this is true, how could I possibly be expected to drive myself to their restaurant for some food…after all, dat dere driving test is mighty tuff to pass, and bus schedules are awfully tuff to read.

(Ok, the logical explanation must be that this BBQ chicken chain is after the female demographic. Not so fast. The female in this commercial doesn’t have it any easier, does she? She’s sleazy, whorish, cold and callous. Women like that don’t eat BBQ’ed chicken; they eat red meat right off the bone. She’s more likely steal the meal from a senior than pay for it.)

Am I wrong here? Does this company just have a bad advertising department, or are companies increasingly making fun of the very people they want to buy their product?

To test my theory, I’m introducing Ricochay’s ‘We’re all Morons’ Commercial Challenge. Your mission: watch 30 minutes of prime time TV, and tell me that there isn’t at least 1.5 minutes of commercials (three 30-second spots) that portray men as stupid and ignorant in an attempt to demonstrate a product’s value.

What’s in it for you? The chance to restore my faith in advertising and humanity. What more could you ask for?  And besides, I have no money for prizes. 

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn’t forever link men with stupidity.

Up to no good.

I hope Pea doesn't fail to read between the lines.

I have a weird feeling Dora the Explorer is into some below-board kind of stuff.

Let me be clear -- especially since companies seem to be suing every blogger who holds an opinion contrary to the positive image of their business or products -- I have no concrete proof of my claim, but I do offer the following to back up my suspicion.

• She's from Latin America.  Columbia is part of Latin America, isn't it?  I'm just saying.
• While she is human, most of Dora's friends are talking animals... a squirrel, a monkey, a fox, and so on.  In fact, she spends a great deal of time talking to a Little Star in one book we own, which as we all know is impossible.  
• Why don't we ever get to see what's in her backpack?  
• According to Wikipedia, the internet's most trusted resource, Dora the Explorer (products) made over $1B in 2004.  That's Mexican Drug Cartel kind of loot!
• She can't seem to pick one language and stick with it... it's almost as if she forgets what language she's using mid-sentence.  That's odd, no?

Look, I don't know what's going on here, but this doesn't add up.  Until I can disprove my theory, I don't think I'll be letting Pea put any Dora-related products in her mouth.  Better safe than sorry.

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't fail to read between the lines.

PS - Just kidding Nickelodeon.. we love Dora 'round here, honest!  In fact, we just bought Pea her very own Dora the Explorer chair... you know the one, it's got Boots and Dora running together, chasing a butterfly.  Within 30 seconds of seeing it, Pea was kissing Dora and sitting gleefully in her lap.  It was awesome!

Those who can, do.

I hope Pea doesn't end up with her Dad's singing chops.

There are a lot of things in my life that I wish I could do better.  Sure, I have my fair share of skills.  Sarcasm.  Showering in a relatively short amount of time.  Eating.  But there is lots more I wish I could do better.

What kind of things, you might ask?  Math.  Impressions.  Tending to animals.  And most of all, singing.

While I may not be able to carry my own tune, I can certainly appreciate the skills of others.

Lately, I'm really into the Pete Yorn and Scarlett Johansson album The Breakup, which is far better than many people expect, especially after Johansson's ill-advised debut album of Tom Waits covers.  The first single from The Breakup, called Relator, is the most played track on my iPod and never fails to put a smile on my face.  I urge you to give it a listen (see below).

Closer to home, for me anyway, is the music of MJ Cyr.  

The Pod is good friends with MJ, and introduced me to her many years ago. Since then I have come to know and appreciate MJ for her kindness and her music.

We've been to several of MJ's shows (not recently anyway... since Pea was born we have a much harder time getting out), and she was even a guest at our wedding.  Long story short, I like MJ.

I hope you do too!  You can check out MJ at http://www.myspace.com/mjcyr, but to make things easier, here's the video for her song The Bottom Line.  Enjoy.







I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't end up with her Dad's singing chops. 

A choice of global proportions

I hope Pea never has to deal with the harsh realities of parenting in the midst of a global pandemic.

So this H1N1 thing is supposed to get worse before it gets better. It's new, relatively unknown and many parents (myself included) aren't sure what to do to prepare their families for the second coming of this sickness.

The big question is: to vaccinate, or not to vaccinate.  As an added bonus, I have to consider vaccinations for two separate people - myself, and my little Pea.  (Three, really, when I factor in the Pod who, according to recent media reports, is more likely to become infected than any other population segment.)

When the first wave of H1N1 hit the world this year, I was blasé.  I thought, 'far more people will get sick and die from the seasonal flu... what's the big deal?'

I recall hearing a radio report about the first swine flu in 1976, and how many people who got a vaccination to prevent infection ended up getting sick and dying from the untested vaccine and not from the illness itself.

That freaked me out.  I had made up my mind.  No vaccinations for us.  I figured, 'Why chance getting sick from the medicine, if I probably won't get the sickness in the first place?'

But it's becoming increasingly clear that this ain't the regular flu, and I'm responsible for more than myself now.  I should be more judicious in my decision making.

The reality is that times, and technologies, have changed.  I'm sure the development of vaccinations has come a long way since 1976. And as Canada ramps up production of its vaccination stores, it seems to me that great care is being taken to develop a vaccine that is tested and safe.

My point is this, people: I'm waivering.  

So I'm turning to you, for advice and counsel.  What are you doing? Are you getting the vaccine?  Are you vaccinating your children?

I need help here.  In the words of Snoop Dogg, holla at'cho boy.

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she never has to deal with the harsh realities of parenting in the midst of a global pandemic.

PS - I am aware that Commenting on my blog is a painful experience, and I am looking at switching to another service.  If you do want to leave a comment, just select the Anonymous option from the drop down menu. 

Morning Snuggles for the Parent's Soul

I hope Pea doesn't mock my sentimentality.

Growing up, I remember hearing my parents talking with other parents about their children...they'd say stuff like "They grow up so fast!" and I'd mimic barfing, because I found it all so annoying.  

Back then, I was young and impatient. I wanted to be older NOW and felt that the kids a grade ahead of me in school were light years away from me in terms of maturity.  The kids 2 grades ahead?  They were practically adults! 

I remember finding coy ways of showing off my armpit hair to the kids at elementary school because I was convinced mine came so much later than everyone else's and I needed to make sure everyone knew mine had arrived. 

I remember shaving with a friend of mine well before I had peach fuzz, let alone the daily growth that annoys me today.  (Fortunately, his dad worked for Schick and we had ready access to shaving supplies.)

Now, I spend my days wishing life would just slow down a bit. 

And why wouldn't I?  I wake up in the morning and my still-groggy Pea finishes her bottle of milk and curls up in my lap to snuggle.  She's clearly sad as I say goodbye to her and practically runs after me to snuggle some more.

I lament how quickly Pea is growing out of her clothes and wonder if it was really a year ago that she stopped needing to be swaddled at night.

I struggle to put up yet another baby gate and recall a time when crawling wasn't even an issue, let alone a quick jaunt towards a hard-wood flight of stairs.

So to my parents, I offer yet another I'm sorry in what has seemingly become a steady stream of apologies brought on by the constant Eureka moments in my life... when the lightbulb goes on, and I finally understand what all the fuss was about. 

Because as great as parenting has been, they really do grow up so fast.

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't mock my sentimentality.