I hope Pea isn't intimidated by bumper stickers.
The story you are about to hear, while true, is going to seem impossible, implausible and crazy. Kind of like the movie She’s Just Not That Into You. But I assure you it is real.
Our tale begins with Pea and I stopped at a regular traffic light, about 5 minutes from our house. We’re singing along to the radio. Pea is dancing in her seat.
I look under the sunshade to check the status of the traffic light. The opposite flow of traffic still had a green light and I watch as the pickup truck in front of us inches forward, over the white line and into the pedestrian crosswalk, trying to get the little man to turn into the little hand.
Then I saw it. A bumper sticker. The bumper sticker. Perhaps the stupidest bumper sticker I have ever seen.
“My kid beat up your honour student.”
You know the part in Back to the Future II, when Marty comes back from the future but arrives in an alternate version of 1985, where Biff is a multi-millionnaire who owns most of Hill Valley and the town has been overrun by motorcycle bandits and other riff-raff? That’s how I felt when I saw this bumper sticker. I felt like Marty McFly in another world.
I panicked.
“Pea, where the hell are we? What the hell is going on here? Jesus Christ!”
(Incomprehensible gibberish from Pea.)
“I know, I’m sorry, Daddy didn’t mean to swear. It’s just that I don’t know where we are anymore! This can’t be right! I can’t believe what I’m seeing!”
(More gibbersish.)
“What do you mean, calm down? How can I calm down at a time like this? How can you be so calm?”
(Silence.)
“You don’t see the madness in that bumper sticker?”
(Silence.)
“What kind of message does it send to his kids? To his grandkids? To his neighbours and friends? Those kids will be in your class Pea! They’ll think that it’s OK to…”
(Incomprehensible gibberish.)
“You’re right, Pea, I should follow him to his house! Then we can call the cops or something!”
(Gibberish.)
“Oh, I should just drive to our house. Sorry, I misunderstood you.”
(More gibberish.)
“So true, Pea. Freaking out isn’t going to help matters much.”
(Gibberish.)
“Yup, you’ll be able to take care of yourself. You’ll be proud of being an honour student and you’ll be able defend yourself against kids whose parents don’t believe in them.”
(Gibberish.)
“I think that’s a great idea. You can befriend and work with them to build their self-esteem, since their parents will have destroyed it for them.”
(Silence.)
“You are wise beyond your months.”As usual, Pea provides me with a new perspective and outlook on things. She’s good like that.
I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she isn't intimidated by bumper stickers.
Pea is very wise! She must take after her paternal grandmother!
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