There, but for the grace of God...

I hope Pea doesn't forget the importance of true empathy.

I got a new job recently.  It's awesome... but it's also the reason I haven't been able to post as frequently as I used to.  I'm struggling to get into a rhythm and I'm typically pretty tired when I get home... I usually have just enough energy to watch Lost and then hit the sack.

My daily commute is just about the same, but now, instead of spending 3 hours a day sitting in a car, fighting traffic and snarling uncontrollably, I find myself enjoying the suburban commuter train to get to and from work.  I'm actually enjoying something called "books," although I can't yet bring myself to read Twilight in front of complete strangers.

Someday.

After I get off the train, I walk about 15 minutes to get to my office.  It's a busy walk, with hundreds of people walking in the same direction, trying to get to work as fast as possible and out of the cold.

Along my route to the office, I pass at least 6 homeless people.  In the morning, they are usually huddled under a blanket sleeping, trying to fend off the cold and wind.  In the evening, they are often awake, hat-in-hand, asking for whatever change passers-by can spare.

In my ignorance, I have always wondered how someone can end up homeless.  Don't they have families to turn to?  Did they really exhaust every possible avenue of support?

As a result, I have admittedly been selfish and less than empathetic.  I rarely give any of my own money... misguided, I've always assumed they are drug or alcohol addicts and that they essentially brought their fate upon themselves.

The reality, as I am coming to understand it, is that mental illness often plays a big part in the rapid downward spiral that afflicts many homeless people.  Undiagnosed or misdiagnosed patients rarely get the help they need... the mental health system in this country is in complete disrepair and before the individual even realizes they need help, things are often too far gone.

Houses are lost.  Families, who once did everything in their power to provide support, are exhausted and bewildered.  

Homelessness is not the choice.  It is the only choice.

I passed a homeless man the other day and it occurred to me that he was likely, as some point in his life, very similar to me.  He probably held down jobs in the past and had a place to hang his hat.

Regardless of the circumstances that brought him to this place, whether he is addicted or ill, this man's hollow eyes were probably once full of hope and excitement.  His face, now covered in a long black beard, was probably clean shaven and soft at some point.  And I'm sure people looked to him for support and guidance much like Pea looks to me for this same purpose.

It was this last thought that gave me pause.  A wife?  A family?

My life has been forever changed since I met my wife, and since Pea was born.  I simply cannot imagine a scenario where they are not in my life every day.  I can't imagine losing the laughter that fills our home when we play together.  I can't imagine not seeing them in the mornings or kissing them goodnight.

I can't imagine any of this, perhaps, because I don't want to.

My views on this topic are quickly shifting.  I'm beginning to consider the potential back-story that has led homeless people to their current situation, and I'm definitely aware of the blessings I have been afforded in my life.

In small ways, I am beginning to change my behaviour.  I don't avoid eye contact anymore and I am apologetic when I don't have anything to offer them in support.  I'm beginning to realize that whether they are affected by mental health issues or addiction issues, they are still deserving of the simple courtesies that I afford all other people I encounter.

After all, there, but for the grace of God...

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't forget the importance of true empathy.

Alf? Too easy...

I hope Pea doesn’t Oh my God, Dad, you are SO embarrassing too soon.

I wonder how long it will be before Pea understands embarassment? Soon, I would imagine. Especially since she has me as a father.

My wife and I were invited to a friend’s birthday party this past weekend. It was an 80’s themed party and I was excited by the many costume possibilities that exist with such a broad topic.

In researching a potential costume, I had quite a long list of possibilities: Marty McFly from Back to the Future, Ferris or Cameron from Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, Alf from Alf, white suit & shoes/pastel shirt, etc.

The longer my list grew, the more I realized that there was a good chance that another party-goer would have the exact same costume. I wanted to find a costume that would guarantee exclusivity.

Then it hit me.  What if 80’s didn’t mean a decade in time, but rather a decade in life?

It all came together from there… and in case you can’t see it, the hat says “Sensational Senior.”

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn’t Oh my God, Dad, you are SO embarrassing too soon.

Mwen regret sa

I hope Pea never fails to understand the true personal meaning of the word 'ruin.' 

I have a TV right above my desk at work, and most of the day we keep it tuned to a local all-news station.  It's on mute, but every now and then I look up to catch a glimpse of the latest current events.

Quite often today, when I glanced up, the news focused on the earthquake that rocked the tiny island nation of Haiti.  Several times, I noticed the headline that accompanied the coverage - Haiti in Ruins.

Haiti in Ruins. 

Think about that for a moment.  Think of all of the other references to the word ruin that you've heard in your life.  Certainly, if you've ever visited Pompeii or Rome, you'll understand that the term ruin has often been associated with centuries-old remnants of natural disasters and tourist attractions.  The ruins in these countries are historical; something you visit, walk through and experience as leisure, with little concern for the causes that led to their existence.

Now, there is an entire nation of people from our time that have lost a large part of their culture, their homes, and most importantly their loved ones.  To them, ruins aren't something you go out of your way to visit and experience... they are, in fact, just the opposite. 

Like most parents, ever since Pea was born I experience this type of current event with an entirely new point of view.  Now, instead of wondering about the material loss and rebuilding that Haitians will face in the months and years to come, I'm absolutely overcome with pain and sadness at the thought of Haitian parents who have lost their children, and Haitian children who are now left orphaned. 

Up until now, I've mainly applied the word ruin to physical objects and material possessions.  It is now abundantly clear to me that lives, in addition to things, can also be battered and ruined. 

In Haiti, and all over the world, there are millions of lives that are now left in ruins.  While we can all see the physical devastation they've experienced, and do our part to help them rise above their predicament, there is little to nothing we can do to help them come through the emotional devastation they've encountered at the loss of their homes, their lives and their loved ones. 

I'm sure none of you are visiting my personal blog to get the latest information on how to make a difference for Haitians, but I'll provide it here just the same.  Today, the Canadian government announced that it will match donations made by Canadians to any registered charity working to support relief efforts in Haiti, up to $50M. 

It is vitally important that we do what we can, as soon as we can, so that these funds become available as quickly as possible.  There are many charities - the Canadian Red Cross, UNICEF Canada, Médecins Sans Frontières Canada, World Vision and OXFAM Canada to name just a few - that are accepting donations.  You can find an exhaustive list of charities working to support Haiti relief efforts on the CBC's website, here.

We're not all in a position to donate money, and this is understandable.  While I'm not an overly religious fella, might I suggest prayer as a suitable alternative.  After all, there but for the grace of God...

When I got home from work today, Pea got a longer and stronger hug than she's used to... she didn't seem understand why, but she held on tight just the same.  Tonight, I count myself lucky to be able to hold her at all.

A tout ceux et celles qui souffrent tellement depuis le tremblement de terre en Haiti, je n'ai qu'a offrir mes sympathies et mes condoléances.  Mwen regret sa.

 
I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she never fails to understand the true personal meaning of the word 'ruin.'

I'm a winner!

I hope Pea doesn't forget to thank Sarah from s a r a h c a s m for giving her Daddy a Kreativ Blogger Award.

In case she does, I'll do it for her!  Sarah - I'm humbled by your shout out and, quite frankly, amazed you are still checking in despite my unannounced and unnecessary Holiday Hiatus.  In any event, thanks for reading and being so great with promoting my work.

The rules for accepting this award are:

1. Thank the person giving the award
2. Copy the award to your blog
3. Place a link to their blog
4. Name 7 things people don’t know about you
5. Nominate 7 bloggers
6. Place a link to those bloggers
7. Leave a comment letting those bloggers know about the award

The SEVEN Things People Don’t Know About Me:

1. I have one pupil noticeably larger than the other.
2. My wife and I knowingly, lovingly and gladly co-sleep with Pea.
3. I read embarassingly little, and when I do read, it is embarassing content.
4. I can't put anything together properly without getting it wrong at least twice.
5. If I had been single when I visited Europe, I would probably be living in London right now.
6. Until I got married, I only brushed once a day.
7. I can form the Big Dipper constellation using birthmarks on my arm.

Here are the 7 8 bloggers I nominate for the Kreativ Blogger Award and one repeat winner (no particular order):

1. Julie from coffeewithjulie
2. Cam from Out of the Loop
3. Sarah from Sleeping is for Losers
4. Rick and Carina from Record Highs
5. Mariano from Adventures in Real Estate
6. Jen from Mom's the Word
7. Ron from For Your Approval
8. Agent Orange from There is a Light That Never Goes Out
9. Sarah from s a r a h c a s m

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she doesn't forget to thank Sarah from s a r a h c a s m for giving her Daddy a Kreativ Blogger Award.

There’s no mistaking it – that guy is an A-hole

I hope Pea isn't intimidated by bumper stickers.

The story you are about to hear, while true, is going to seem impossible, implausible and crazy.  Kind of like the movie She’s Just Not That Into You. But I assure you it is real.

Our tale begins with Pea and I stopped at a regular traffic light, about 5 minutes from our house.  We’re singing along to the radio.  Pea is dancing in her seat.

I look under the sunshade to check the status of the traffic light.  The opposite flow of traffic still had a green light and I watch as the pickup truck in front of us inches forward, over the white line and into the pedestrian crosswalk, trying to get the little man to turn into the little hand.

Then I saw it.  A bumper sticker.  The bumper sticker.  Perhaps the stupidest bumper sticker I have ever seen.

“My kid beat up your honour student.”

You know the part in Back to the Future II, when Marty comes back from the future but arrives in an alternate version of 1985, where Biff is a multi-millionnaire who owns most of Hill Valley and the town has been overrun by motorcycle bandits and other riff-raff?  That’s how I felt when I saw this bumper sticker.  I felt like Marty McFly in another world.

I panicked.

“Pea, where the hell are we?  What the hell is going on here?  Jesus Christ!”

(Incomprehensible gibberish from Pea.)

“I know, I’m sorry, Daddy didn’t mean to swear.  It’s just that I don’t know where we are anymore!  This can’t be right!  I can’t believe what I’m seeing!”

(More gibbersish.)

“What do you mean, calm down?  How can I calm down at a time like this?  How can you be so calm?”

(Silence.)

“You don’t see the madness in that bumper sticker?”

(Silence.)

“What kind of message does it send to his kids?  To his grandkids?  To his neighbours and friends?  Those kids will be in your class Pea!  They’ll think that it’s OK to…”

(Incomprehensible gibberish.)

“You’re right, Pea, I should follow him to his house!  Then we can call the cops or something!”

(Gibberish.)

“Oh, I should just drive to our house.  Sorry, I misunderstood you.”

(More gibberish.)

“So true, Pea.  Freaking out isn’t going to help matters much.”

(Gibberish.)

“Yup, you’ll be able to take care of yourself.  You’ll be proud of being an honour student and you’ll be able defend yourself against kids whose parents don’t believe in them.”

(Gibberish.)

“I think that’s a great idea.  You can befriend and work with them to build their self-esteem, since their parents will have destroyed it for them.”

(Silence.)

“You are wise beyond your months.”

As usual, Pea provides me with a new perspective and outlook on things.  She’s good like that.

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I hope she isn't intimidated by bumper stickers.