Knowing when it just won't work out

I hope my Pea won't fall for abusive R&B singers.

Sample timeline of events, that will be referred to throughout this entry:

1. Girl suspects her man of cheating.  Let's call this girl R. Ihanna, for the sake of argument. 
2. Suspicious, R. Ihanna decides to read said man's text message.  Let's call this 'man' Chris B.  
3. Chris B. catches R. Ihanna reading the aforementioned text message.  
4. Angry, and likely feeling guilty, Chris B. beats R. Ihanna to a bloody pulp and inches from passing out. 
5. R. Ihanna refuses to press charges and takes Chris B. back within weeks of violent abuse.

I'm a fairly even-keeled guy.  I've never been in a fight that involved actual punches, much less dreamed of taking my agressions out on a woman.  Don't get me wrong, I've been seething mad plenty of times, but I am a firm believer that punching someone in the face likely won't make the situation better.  And I play hockey.

So the fictional story outlined above really boggles my mind.

But my concern for Pea goes much deeper than "I hope she doesn't get beat up by some a**hole."  That goes without saying.  It's the total lack of self-respect and self-esteem our 'fictional' R. Ihanna demonstrates in taking Chris B. back that concerns me.  

Pea is already a headstrong little lady, and we're trying to instill in her all of the values that parents want their daughters to have - strength, self-worth and an even head to know when to make tough decisions.  As The Clash put it, we want her to have the common sense to ask herself "Should I stay or should I go NOW?"

But I imagine all parents start off wanting these positive traits in their kids.  Whether it is cultural or a result of our environment, so many of us go off the rails.  We become overly critical of ourselves, our friends and partners, and we never reach the point of satiation.  We're never happy.  Our weight, our jobs, our financial situation - it's never what we want it to be.  

As a result, we end up wondering if things will ever get better.  Perhaps poor R. Ihanna thinks Chris B. is the best she will be able to do.  "He loves me, I love him, it was a one time thing."

To bad our R. Ihanna didn't know the rest of that wonderful The Clash song - "If I go there will be trouble, but if I stay there will be double."

I may not know what I want my Pea to become, but I certainly hope she never falls for abusive R&B singers.